Having expectations can be a tricky business. And as much as I would like to say that I live more in a state of expectancy (hopeful anticipation; excitement for what the unknown holds; hands open to allow God to do what He desires to do) than one of expectation, I wouldn’t be telling the truth. I find myself feeling disappointment far more often than I want to, but I really can’t blame that on anyone but myself. I have the frustrating tendency to imagine and daydream and idealize all while telling myself that I don’t expect things to turn out the way I picture and I’m not creating high expectations when in reality, that is exactly what I’m doing. And having those kinds of expectations is exhausting and almost always a guaranteed way of being humbled and/or disappointed. So God has been allowing me to experience frustration over unmet expectations so that I may be more willing to instead invite Him to sit on the throne of my life and ask Him to lead me. In living a life like that, one without preconceived ideas of certain situations but rather a glad and surrendered expectancy of the guidance of God, everything becomes an adventure. I can bring each day to the Lord and declare that I will follow where He leads, and in so doing, things become lighter. I didn’t say easier, we still will face difficulties and disappointments, but in living a life of expectancy rather than expectation, we experience a freedom to accept them more joyfully than had we already imagined those difficulties or disappointments as easy living and endless happiness.
One of my more recent times with the humbling experience of having unmet expectations was during my time serving at a ministry in Honduras, Central America. I love Honduras, and I love missions, what could possibly not be wonderful with that combination? Let me preface this by saying that, despite the fact that it was very different from what I had in mind, it still was wonderful. Just maybe not the wonderful that I wanted when I booked my tickets. And you know what’s so frustrating? I told myself going into it: “don’t have expectations, just let God do what He wants to do.” Easier said than done, right? Although I hadn’t anticipated my life there looking exactly like it did, it was still rich. I had gone with the expectation of learning about all the ins-and-outs of the ministry I was serving in (after all, it was meant to be an internship), but instead I learned the names of many beautiful Honduran children and teenagers, how to resolve conflict between a plethora of quickly-talking and difficult-to-understand Spanish-speaking little girls, and that teaching English as a second language is not my strong suit, but I’m fairly decent at Chess and Monopoly. Each of those kids stole my heart away and brought sunshine to each of my days. There were days I asked God exactly what I was doing as I sat there while one of the girls used my hair to practice their braiding or as they laughed when I made a mistake in my Spanish; I asked myself not because I didn’t love them or find my temporary home to be absolutely lovely, but simply because I felt that I should be doing more than just loving on them. I had had an expectation before arriving of all kinds of different ministries I would be doing, so I found it hard to be fully present in where God had taken me. There was one particular day when, as I was spending time with Jesus, He softly encouraged me that, yes, loving them was enough. That’s what they craved, and only Jesus could fill their empty spaces; even if only one of them felt the personal love of Christ through me, my three months in Honduras were more than worth it. So that became my prayer, that they wouldn’t remember me for just being nice or fun or “una blanquita” or giving them hugs goodnight, but rather that they would feel the deep love that Christ has for each of them through me. And that remains my prayer: that I would hand each day to God and live in hope and expectancy rather than with expectation; that I would accept where He leads with joy; and that the people I encounter would feel loved by Christ in me.
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