His Timing is Good (Really!)

Just a little over a year ago, I was fairly convinced that the long, emotionally-trying journey of trying to get Mario a visa was going to end in disappointment. There were so many points along the way that I felt so defeated – months of waiting for a positive response only to be told that a small detail was missing in some certain document and we had to go through the whole process again; hours spent waiting at the U.S. embassy in Tegucigalpa only to be met with people who were unable or unwilling to help me with different questions and confusions; time and again of being presented with more hoops to jump through… It all seemed endless, always against us, and absurdly difficult to do things the right and legal way. It was exhausting. 

Processes like this one, seasons of waiting, have a way of forcing us to decide whether or not to trust God and live like we actually believe that He is faithful, trustworthy, and really does know best. Believers will often say things about how God’s timing is best, but when it really comes down to it, we’d far rather have the last say in how and when something happens. There were plenty of moments in Mario’s visa process that I felt frustrated with God and questioned Him. There was one morning in particular that I found myself having to make a conscious, intentional decision of how to respond to Him in the midst of deep disappointment.

  I was pregnant with Asher and preparing to travel to the States with Vienne. I had been hoping and praying the whole pregnancy that God would open the necessary doors and allow Mario to be with me for Asher’s birth as I didn’t want to do it without him again like I had with Vienne. I felt so confident that God would answer this prayer. At that point, I was able to look back and see how it had been good for Mario to have been in Honduras up till then, between his sister, Bibian, and his mom, Rosa, both being sick and eventually going home to Jesus (two years apart, almost to the day). I was thankful that God had kept him here to be with them through those processes, and to be able to take advantage of each day that he could. But in those months leading up to going to Wyoming to have Asher, I couldn’t see any reason for Mario to have to stay in Honduras. In my mind, it would have been right and, I thought, in line with God’s heart, for my husband to be with me and our daughter as we welcomed the new baby into the world. So the day after his interview at the embassy, just a few weeks before I was scheduled to leave with Vienne, I was distraught to have to face the reality of another closed door. The visa had not been denied, but we had hit a bit of a dead end. There were more documents they were wanting from him, but with no guidance as to how to acquire them. Once again, we found ourselves in the position of no help, no idea where to go or what to do next, and so much frustration. It was the first time I was forced to face the question: Am I okay, will I be okay, if Mario never gets his visa? if I never get to take him to the States? Do I trust that God is still good? Images of all the hopes and ideas I had created for when I would finally, someday, be able to share that part of my life with him flooded my mind… Could I surrender that to the Lord? I wrestled with all sorts of emotions that morning, the day after his interview, when I felt so hopeless and defeated. Not only would I have to be okay with not sharing that with Mario, but also what that would mean for my kids and for myself – always traveling without Mario, never getting to return to my beloved Wyoming to live for an extended time, giving up my dreams of someday getting to enjoy horsemanship and training and all things horse-related in Cody again, not getting to ever enjoy my family reunions with my husband with me, along with many other things. I look back now on that morning and can remember the pain and the tears, but also the way that God met me in that place. It was a whole new level of surrender that I had never experienced before. 

We continued trying to do what we could, and finally had some breakthrough a year later. After months of no news, nothing to give us any hope of things moving forward, I was again faced with the question of whether or not to surrender, whether or not to trust God, whether or not I would be okay (not just okay, but joyful, content, faithful) without that answered prayer… Even though there had been breakthrough at the end of my time of wrestling with the Lord the previous year, there were still more layers – the taking up of our cross is a daily choice. As I examined again my heart toward the whole situation, I was able to honestly hand it up to the Lord in a way I hadn’t done before. I celebrated the areas that He had been working on in me, ways that He had drawn me deeper into quiet trust. I was able to say with complete sincerity, “I am content. I am so thankful for this life.” 

I had loved Honduras since I was a little girl. I loved the people that made up my local community. But the first years of living here, there was always the heaviness in my heart of missing my life and my people in Wyoming. I dreamed of being back. I longed to be there. I struggled with so many of the cultural differences, and sometimes felt unable to navigate them. God lovingly, patiently, and graciously used the long, discouraging process of trying to get Mario’s visa to weed out the things in my heart that were disabling me in the work He had for me here. I was doing it half-heartedly at times. The waiting and the wrestling were tools He used to cultivate in me a new love, gratitude, and contentment that I had not known before. I look back now and see His hand through all of it. I am so thankful that He is wiser than I am, and that His timing really is better. He knew that Mario needed to not get his visa right away, that it was necessary for me so that I could come to a place of being able to honestly say that I was content to have my life be fully here. He knew, and still knows, what to allow and orchestrate in my life (and in yours!) to shape and transform my character into Christlikeness. 

This doesn’t mean I am free from all wrestling, or that I’ve gotten past all discontentment, or that I never miss my life in Wyoming. It does mean, however, that through it all, He has shown me time and again that He is completely trustworthy. 

Once I reached the point of genuine surrender, I was able to receive the gift of Mario’s visa with more gratitude and understanding. I was free to receive it without grabbing onto it, but rather with continued open hands. One day I was quite convinced that Mario wasn’t going to get his visa, and I really was okay with that (thank the Lord!), and the next day, against all odds and completely out of the blue, his visa was granted and we were given just over a month to travel to the States before it would expire. 

God is not a genie in a bottle nor a game to be played. There is no formula of “just really surrender and give it to God, and He’ll give it back to you!”. I could have surrendered it to God, received news that his visa was fully denied, and had to deal again with another layer of disappointment and practicing obedience and faithfulness and submission. But, in His goodness, He allowed that to be the time for Mario to be able to travel with us, and I can say it was well worth the wait! I am still praising God with tears in my eyes for His kindness toward us in allowing us to spend the summer in Cody together last year, and I gratefully dream of more time together Stateside in the future. I have been able now to receive it as a generous gift from my Father’s hand, rather than something that was due and had to be granted to us. All good things are gifts from Him! Including the hard seasons of waiting and wrestling that He uses to shape us and draw us deeper into loving relationship with Him. He is infinitely good and completely trustworthy!

Chief Joseph Scenic Highway, Beartooth Mountains, Wyoming

{A dream come true to share this beautiful place with my love!}